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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in 55birds' LiveJournal:

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    Tuesday, July 15th, 2008
    12:45 am
    lamp


    The world's last genie's lamp was discovered accidentally by a crocodile who brushed past it while prowling the depths of a watering hole in Kenya. This was why the world's last burst of real magic raised no eyebrows; only a few biologists noticed when the local gazelles suddenly became plumper, slower, and much, much thirstier.
    Friday, June 27th, 2008
    2:52 pm
    prettier


    "I used to be much prettier," she said mournfully. "I wish you'd known me then."

    "It's a good thing I didn't," he said. "You already make me dizzy and faint. Any prettier and I'd collapse to the floor, twitching and drooling, my final breath a slow hideous gurgle."

    "You say the sweetest things," she said.
    Monday, January 28th, 2008
    9:14 pm
    universes


    His online dating profile had mentioned an enthusiasm for theoretical physics. "Scientists postulate billions of universes!" he said. "Hopefully there's one in which dwells the living embodiment of my videogame avatar, an elf maiden with enormous gazongas."

    She sipped chardonnay, wondering if there was even one universe in which he would ever see her naked.
    Thursday, November 29th, 2007
    7:20 pm
    different

    She awoke, stretching her body deliciously into the soft silk. She had been so idle these past few days, but today felt different. Warm sunlight trickled in with whisps of fresh summer breeze, and her cozy nest seemed suddenly more confining than luxurious. Slowly, cautiously, she and the other little spiders emerged from the nest.
    Monday, November 12th, 2007
    1:30 am
    beautiful


    She sipped her wine. "My professor proposes," she said, "that things resembling resources essential to survival are what we've evolved to call beautiful."

    "Preposterous," he said, and ran a hand through hair as golden as a field of wheat ready for harvest. She shrugged, and met his eyes, two blue pools of fresh clean water.
    Saturday, November 3rd, 2007
    7:48 pm
    laundry


    He gave his armpit a cautious sniff, and smelled fear, guilt and sweat. Hurriedly he pulled out a laundry bag and filled it with his pants, boxers, jacket, shirt, tie, socks and conscience.

    When the laundry was done, he put everything back on. Whistling cheerfully, he walked outside, into the waiting throng of hollering reporters.
    Tuesday, August 7th, 2007
    11:26 pm
    pie


    Spooning flour, sugar, apples and love potion into the crust, she recalled the witch's words: "At the last bite, love at first sight."

    Later, Rupert finished the pie, raised his glass, and was smitten. It wasn't as she'd hoped, but her bridesmaid dress was pretty, and Rupert and the wine glass looked so happy together.
    Friday, May 4th, 2007
    1:11 pm
    diary


    In the livingroom debris lay his childhood diary. He carried it to the roof, sat down and read:

    When I grow up, I'll be a Policeman, with handcuffs, boots and a big gun.

    His ear caught the groans of the first incoming zombies. He raised his rifle.

    "One out of four ain't bad," he said.
    Tuesday, April 3rd, 2007
    6:08 pm
    readers' choice #3
    hey guys!
    sorry, no new story, but i do encourage you to vote for your favourite guest stories for our third readers' choice awards! also, please keep submitting; you too could get the chance to win neat prizes, or, as has happened a few times, get your lovely work snagged by the publishers who occasionally troll the site.
    Thursday, March 15th, 2007
    8:28 pm
    ghosts


    Deep underground, the dead dinosaurs dreamed dark oily dreams. Suddenly they found themselves pumped to the surface and burned. Their pale ghosts rose into the sky, and there they milled about, apatosaurs and allosaurs and archaeopteryxes, looking down on a world capped with ice. Dismayed, they set about making things properly warm and palm-treed again.
    Wednesday, March 7th, 2007
    2:47 pm
    customer


    The moment the dame walked in the door I knew she was trouble. Blood-red lips, smoldering eyes, legs from here to Cleveland.

    I thought of telling her to scram, but she was my first customer all day. "Ma'am?"

    "Coffee, hash browns," she said, settling into a booth, "and two eggs."

    "Hard-boiled?" I asked hopefully.

    "Scrambled."
    Thursday, January 25th, 2007
    11:05 am
    secret power


    "I'm warning you," she said. "My secret power is pathetic fallacy."

    "Whatever." He shrugged. "Anyway, baby, it's over."

    Sighing, she opened an umbrella. A moment later the sky burst into tears of sleet and hail that ruined the boy's new shoes and effectively nullified the warranty on his iPod.

    "Oh, that pathetic fallacy," he said.
    Tuesday, December 12th, 2006
    12:33 am
    ride


    "I feel stupid," she said. "It's just a ferris wheel."

    He smiled reassuringly. "Tons of people are scared of heights. Just think how brave you'll feel!"

    She clutched his arm as they swooped upwards. The panic in her eyes melted to awe, then delight. He grinned, and desperately tried to control his own tumbling stomach.
    Saturday, November 11th, 2006
    6:30 pm
    roar


    It took Claire three months to realize she was dating a lion. The first clue was the sandy tail. Soon, primal roars and hisses rattled her dreams. The zebra carcass in the kitchen was the final straw. Nowadays, Claire never goes on a blind date without a pith hat, a solid rifle and a guide.
    Thursday, November 2nd, 2006
    12:41 am
    drive


    Father and son drove out to the woods, past stands of autumn goldenrod and a creek striped with yellowing cattails, and parked on a little gravel road. They hiked until they found a clearing that was still and breathy as a cathedral. Silently they dug a hole in the soft earth and buried the goldfish.
    Monday, October 23rd, 2006
    8:33 pm
    socks


    She put on a painfully orange sweater, pink pants, and a bilious yellow scarf. She paused to consider two pairs of socks: one was purple, the other a highly radioactive green.

    "Mother’s car is pulling up," her fiancée called from downstairs. "Are you ready?"

    "Just a minute," she said cheerfully, and chose the green socks.
    Saturday, October 14th, 2006
    8:26 pm
    crazy


    I read in a book that truly crazy people don't ask, "Am I crazy?" Encouraged, I started asking this of everyone I met. The answer was irrelevant; the very act was reassuring. When I'd queried every person in town, I asked housepets, then cows. Now I talk to inanimate objects.

    I rest easy every night.
    Sunday, October 8th, 2006
    3:09 pm
    life was good


    Life was good. The climate was always mild, and the light (though watery) was constant. Monkeys tromped by all day, spewing delicious CO2. One even watered him weekly.

    Sometimes insects snuck in. A mantis assured him firmly that no plants could spread in this ‘shopping mall.’ Such ignorance! He vigorously constructed seeds, biding his time.
    Wednesday, September 20th, 2006
    10:40 pm
    double

    They sat on the sunny porch.

    "Drop it," he said.

    "Drop it," she said.

    "Seriously, stop!"

    "Seriously, stop!"

    He sighed, and passed her half a two-stick popsicle.

    "Look, kiddo," he said, "either you’ll slowly get bored, or I’ll stymie this puerile diversion with longwinded elitist linguistic constructions."

    She grinned.

    "Better," he said.

    "Better," she said.
    Friday, September 1st, 2006
    11:15 pm
    cowboy


    He drew two pistols. Spurs clanked like old silverware, announcing every step. In the distance a rusty herd of Mustang raced the roiling arms of an oncoming prairie t-storm.

    "Jim," said Marsha from Marketing, waving a file folder before his eyes. "Jim?"

    Jim blinked, and realised he was brandishing two staplers.

    "Yeehaw," he said quietly.
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